I never seem to write often enough.  Maybe if I did my thoughts would be a little better sorted out, and maybe I could make some sense of them buzzing around in my head. Summer is almost here again and this time it seems so very different.  I was looking forward to camping and hiking and this year just seems different.  Our usual Memorial Day camp out is not even in the work and is looking grim.  I like traditions.  I hope this one can be kept.
I started school in January and managed to make my way though my first term, and am very proud of myself for actually doing it.  I am all signed up and ready to go for the fall term.  Going to take more classes for my degree, this term will be CNA classses and my next English class.  Seems like a light load but we will see how demanding the CNA classes are.  I have seen some of the students, I have no doubt I will do just fine.
No baseball this year, maybe that is what is throwing me into this funk.  A little off kilter.  Jack is playing flag football and Jason is helping coach until we leave for Utah.
I am excited and nervous about the trip.  I hope I can spend as much time with Zoey and Darienne at the same time letting her catch up with her brothers and I am planning a few adventures for when we are there.   I want to see/do/experience as much as we can with the kids.
I have another appointment coming up in Anchorage at the end of the month making May officially the crappiest month ever.  I have to go up for my spinal procedure alone, for four days.  I am going to loose my mind.

Some Sense of Accomplishment.

As always the holidays flew by...  Thanks giving came and went and brought Christmas and New Year in a flash.  I remembered to do almost every tradition this year.  The only thing I did not manage to make was the Santa cookies.  We had plenty of cookies to share with Santa and it just seemed like we ran out of time.
My new year resolution was to do a 365 photo blog and I forgot to start it on Jan 1st.  Oops.
I finally went in to the dreaded DMV office on New Year's eve and was turned away for more paperwork.  I had to show why my last name had changed twice since birth.  I gathered everything I had and went back down yesterday and finally got my Alaska ID.  Officially Alaskan again.  Filled out the forms for the boys and I to get our Dividends this year and on top of that I finally got my travel approved for my surgery.  I leave on Monday Morning and come back the next afternoon.  And then fly back down a few days later for the surgery..  I can't wait to feel better..

One year.  It has been one year exactly that Jason has been in my life.  This time last year we were on a plane together headed for a few days in Juneau.  My life has not been the same since and in a whirlwind we wound up here in Alaska with him.  I wouldn't have it any other way.
This morning he gave me a card and my favorite - grape pixie sticks.  OF course as soon as he left for work I had to have at least one of them even if it was before seven am.  And he just stopped by the house and surprised me with a maple donut.  YUM!  I love him!  

Jelly!

It seems like this summer is just flying by.  The weather has been exceptionally beautiful and we have stayed quite active.
In an attempt to keep me busy and reincarnate my domestic side I decided I was going to make some preserves this year.  We go through a lot of jelly with two boys and I thought why not take advantage of the berries growing all over the island.  I started with Salmonberries in early July and froze them with the best intentions of gathering more.  Huckleberries this year are fabulous, some are almost big enough to classify as "cherry tomato" size.  And the flavor is.. just yum!  I did find some blueberries but not enough to do more than freeze and put aside for pancakes.  Then a childhood friend of mine told me to gather fireweed blossoms for  jelly.  Now, activate my OCD.  I have been on a mad hunting and gathering and preserving cycle the past two and a half weeks.  I am going to make one more batch of huckleberry and call it a year.  I am more than pleased with how it has turned out.  I did some hunting around for recipes and these are my favorites:

Fireweed:
http://nomemade-recipes.blogspot.com/2010/08/fireweed-jelly.html?showComment=1376353309917#c2640294629303574767

Pick approximately one large grocery bag full of fireweed tops (there will be bugs). Outside or in the kitchen sink pull blossoms and buds that are about to open and put the in a colander.

1 ½ Cups Tightly packed fireweed blossoms

2 ¼ Cups Water

Boil water. Add fireweed blossoms. Boil until all color washes out. The flowers will turn gray. Strain fireweed and liquid in a strainer with cheesecloth into a large bowl or pitcher. Discard flowers and bugs. The liquid is called fireweed tea.

1 ¾ Cups      Fireweed Tea

2 T                Lemon Juice

3 ½ Cups      Sugar (do not use sugar substitutes or reduce amount)

1 pkg            Liquid Certo Pectin (3 oz.). Check expiration date.

DO NOT DOUBLE THIS BATCH

The tea will be purple/brown in color. In sauce pan add fireweed tea and lemon juice. The tea will turn fuchsia in color. Add sugar. Cook at medium high heat. When liquid boils add pectin and return to boil for 1 minute. Remove from heat. Pour and seal in clean jars.

*Tip on sealing jars:

After cleaning jars. Pour hot liquid, put caps and bands on. Screw bands on tightly. Turn jars upside down and let it set for 3 minutes. Turn right side up. Your jars have been sealed and sterilized because of the hot liquid. Jars will seal after some cooling.

1 grocery bag full of fireweed tops makes about two batches. I get about (4) 8 oz. jars or (8) 4 oz. jars out of each batch.

Huckleberry:

http://www.uaf.edu/files/ces/publications-db/catalog/hec/FNH-00107.pdf/

 Extract Juice

Combine 11 cups of huckleberries and 1 cup water. 

Crush berries. Bring just to a boil and simmer 10 

minutes. Strain through a jelly bag or several layers 

of cheesecloth in a colander. Let the juice drip into 

a bowl. For clear juice, do not twist or press jelly 

bag or cheesecloth. For long-term storage, the juice 

should be frozen or canned. Yield: 5½ cups

Huckleberry Jelly

3½ cups huckleberry juice

1 package powdered pectin (1¾ ounces)

2 tablespoons orange juice

2 tablespoons lemon juice

4½ cups sugar

Sterilize pint or half-pint canning jars and prepare 

lids. Measure sugar and set aside. Measure huckleberry juice into a large saucepan. Add pectin and 

stir until dissolved. Add lemon and orange juices. 

Place on high heat; stir constantly and bring to a 

full rolling boil that cannot be stirred down. At 

once, stir in sugar. Again, bring to a full rolling 

boil. Boil hard for 1 minute, stirring constantly. 

Remove from heat and quickly skim off foam. Immediately pour jelly into hot canning jars, leaving 

¼ inch headspace. Wipe jars rims and add prepared 

two-piece lids. Process 5 minutes in a boiling water 

bath. Yield: 6 cups 

Lots of Changes have been made...

Its been entirely too long since my last blog post and our lives have changed since then exponentially.    Our day to day life is completely different and is about to get even more different than we would have ever thought.
Justin and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary, Thanksgiving and Christmas 2011 were smooth and the boys enjoyed the holidays.  But, by June 1st, we were headed out into divorce land.  I was seriously sick and hospitalized for more than two weeks and by what transpired during those few weeks I fought for my life, fought for my children and my marriage.  By poor decisions made by my Ex husband in the hospital he had Matt and Jack removed from our home and were going into foster care.  I had no control from my hospital bed as to what would and could happen.  It was a horrible experience not having any way to fix what needed to be from a hospital bed hooked up to all kinds of things.  They released me after two weeks stay, still sick and very weak.  I was given an ultimatum from CPS about the children.  As long as Justin was in the house, my children were not to be allowed in my home, period.  One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was kiss my husband goodbye that next morning and walk out of the house, our life and never look back. Ever. I spent three days holed up in a hotel room in Eugene hiding, waiting for the restraining order to take effect.   I filed for a restraining order the day after I was released and divorce a few weeks later and by October 2012 It was granted in my favor and it is all over.  
Do I miss it sometimes? You bet.   It wasn't all bad.  There are many happy memories I have from that part of my life that I hope helps shapes what I am now.  A stronger, more independent woman.  

The last seven months I owe to my best friend Jessica Pitts and her husband for letting me stay in an extra room at their house.  Without their help I don't know what I could have done. And now after all the chaos my chapter here is almost to a close.  Five more days and the love of my life( yes, I found him! ) will be here and Jack, Matt and I will be returning to Ketchikan, Alaska to live with him as should any true Alaskan would.  

I will miss my friends and family, but I am ecstatic about our life adventures to come.  A new start in a familiar place is exactly what the boys and I need..  And hopefully I can get to blogging, I love being able to read old posts...  

Matt goes to Boy Scouts...

Last night we took Matt to his first Boy Scout meeting. The leaders are awesome and really into it. Matt was shy at first but when they started playing basketball for their activity he got into it and scored some really good shots and started having a good time. They said the pledge of Allegiance at the beginning and opened and closed with a prayer. This is definitely a good start to getting Matt healthy and happy again.
We have to get the shirt and book and start from there. This troupe is from our ward so it will be a good thing for him all around.
Poor Jack wanted to play sooo bad and be part of it. He has two more years before he can join and I know he will have a good time going..
But for now, Matt will go once a week.

Mindless thoughts at 2 am

I've been sick all week. Today was a bad day. I didn't cook dinner the last two nights - McDonald's did.. :/ I haven't done laundry all week, the dishes didn't get washed and put into the dishwasher and I have been fighting the chills, fever, headache, snotface and my lungs feel like someone is sitting on them. I went downstairs tonight to see the damage. I was down in the living room to meet Jack from his bus this morning but I did not go and see the damage. D-I-S-G-U-S-T... There was a mess and apparently it was going to wait for me to take care of it. I managed to wobble in there, load the dish washer, wash down everything including the bathrooms. Good lord I don't want an epidemic around here. I lug heavy laundry to and fro, separate and fold it and drag it upstairs. Now, I am waiting for the second load of towels to finish drying so I can switch it out before going to sleep. Why???
Well we are leaving tomorrow, me sick or not and all of these things and MORE have to get done before we can. I am disappointed that our leaving on Friday so I can get to feeling better has been moved to tomorrow.
Which moves me to a more nit picking thought. Why is it so hard to throw away used q-tips?? Or clean up your mess in the bathroom?? Or if you miss the wastebasket why can't you take the time to pick it up and put it in?? I'm not sure where in my life I went wrong and have given the impression this is something I like to do.
Obviously this is not a "nice" mood post. I didn't intend for it to be. I am just sick, I want help and I think I am looking in the wrong direction...